I Don’t Know How to Start Over

18 Feb

I know! I haven’t been on here in such a long time and I want to get everything back together how it was on this blog because I do miss all of you!

I guess I will fill you in on my life….

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I’m doing a lot better emotionally. The things that have happened in my past while being here in Japan have shaped my life in ways I could never imagine. I reported my sexual assaults (last time we talked and I never told anyone) and began talking about my situations more to learn to accept it is what happened to me. It is not my fault! It took me a very long time to realize that and during the process, I really beat myself up over it. I would use alcohol as a coping device or a pair of scissors. It is not easy. I constantly had people telling me to get over it like it was so simple to erase it from my mind. It killed me on the inside. I did not socialize with anyone for the longest time. I gave up on everyone around me; including myself. Although it is not easy to say this, but I did attempt suicide. However, I am doing a lot better now and trying my best to focus on myself. What scares me the most is that I won’t get back to my old ways. By my ‘old ways’ I mean the fact that I was extremely healthy physically as well as emotionally. I don’t know how to start over or even where to begin.

The only thing I do know is that I want to better than what I was before and to push myself to my happiness because I deserve 100% happiness. Only I can change how I am feeling… no one else. 

Which brings me to two questions: How do I start over? Where do I begin? 

The reason why I coming back to this blog is to start over. I want to have my progress in front of me as I physically get fit again for my own mental state. What always made me happy was how I dedicated myself to my body and mind. I didn’t let anyone else stand in between it. I want to be that person again. This blog will keep me on the right track because I know I have all of you to support and encourage me. That’s all I ask for really. 

That really is my main explanation in coming back. I just want your support! 

I missed you all! I really did. I’m glad to be back and in full gear. 

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7 Responses to “I Don’t Know How to Start Over”

  1. HollieisFueledByLOLZ February 18, 2014 at 9:45 AM #

    I am so glad to see you back mentally, physically, emotionally, every way possible. I am truly happy for you Christy and can’t wait for you to catch us up more. When do you come back full to the US?

    • lifttorun February 18, 2014 at 7:16 PM #

      Still not sure when I’m coming back to the states. Back in November they told me December and as you can tell, it’s February.

  2. Erin February 18, 2014 at 11:37 AM #

    I just wanted to say that I’m really happy to see you back. Reading this post breaks my heart, but I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better. I wish you the best of luck in starting over <3

  3. Jade February 22, 2014 at 6:53 PM #

    Hi Christy! I’ve never commented before, but I followed you prior to your move to Japan and have kept up with your time there via social media. I’m so glad you’re doing better mentally – everything else will follow suit! I really hope you can find your passion again, whether it’s running or something else. All the best!

  4. Anon April 2, 2014 at 4:54 AM #

    What the hell are you still doing there?! Not yelling at you,just the people in charge. They know all this and they haven’t got you home to get proper help? Were there repercussions for the people that did this to you? Are your parents aware? Can’t they help get you home? Questions questions questions sorry. Ps/ do you have twitter or any place else I can keep up with you?

  5. deangump July 6, 2014 at 8:14 AM #

    I’m glad to see your back! It is a tough struggle, and maybe even thought it might not seem like there are people to support you, there always are! I hope you find your passion in running or whatever else becomes of interest!

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