Long time now talk, eh?
I apologize for never updating. But I’m here now and that is what matters, right?
Let me rewind a bit and tell you what’s been going on in my life…
Last Friday I had to attending a NASCAR event. Yes, NASCAR.
That’s that thing where cars go super fast and make a lot of left turns while people watch drunk. Mind you, I don’t drink, but NASCAR would make me start. I had to attend this NASCAR event because the Marine Corps… I don’t know. I guess NASCAR let us come for free if we just cleaned up the bleachers afterwards. I didn’t have a choice in going so I was cleaning up peanuts and beer until one in the morning then I went back Sunday morning on three hours of sleep to clean some more.
It was fun.
Note the sarcasm.
At least I got a burrito out of it.
I’ve been running daily…
My shirt reads: Running is a mental sport and we are all insane.
You know you are a runner when you buy shirts like that. You also know you are a runner when you are running on a treadmill for nine miles on three hours of sleep after cleaning a NASCAR event. I’m insane. I am aware of that fact.
This morning I got caught in the rain while running. I wanted to run fourteen miles, but I only made it to ten because in a blink of an eye it started down pouring. No joke.
I decided to wait under a tree until it stopped raining, but I realized how stupid that idea was because I was still getting wet.
I also saw the movie The Avengers…
And I got dressed in actual clothes…
The rest of the week I have been in classes and cooking out of the back of a HUMVEE. It’s not even considered cooking because we are basically just heating up food in a tray ration heater then serving it. I don’t mind though. It’s been exciting and I’m learning a lot.
I haven’t been eating lunch because my options are limited. We don’t go to the chow hall since we are cooking meals ourselves and most of them contain meat. If I do eat something, it’s cereal for lunch or a Kashi bar.
Amazingly enough, I weighed myself, which just equals a downward spiral for me.
I weighed myself at the end of the day and I weighed 120. That’s at the end of the day too. Then, I weighed myself in the morning and I weighed 126. Does that make any sense? No.
Due to my insanity, I weighed myself after I ran ten miles and I weighed 120. It drives me nuts! I eat when I’m hungry and I have been eating more actually. I have been eating more carbs especially. I even bought some microwave food so I don’t have to order Chinese food every night.
Today I ate…
Lunch: PowerAde (I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t have time to eat.)
Dinner: Ruby Tuesday’s crab cake, zucchini, and onion rings
Dessert: Dairy Queen Blizzard
Snacks: peanut butter, Cheerios, nuts
For the most part, I eat when I’m hungry. Honestly, it’s a real struggle to eat without guilt. I count every calorie no matter what I eat. I don’t know what it is, but this whole number on the scale thing is getting to me again. I even got to the point where I don’t want to eat and I wish I was fully in my eating disorder mode like I was a year ago because then I know I could weigh 100 pounds and not eat.
Since I know and understand the consequence of not eating, I eat.
I remember I said once that I would never wish an eating disorder on anyone and I still thing the same thought. Unfortunately, now I’m thinking I would wish an eating disorder on someone… that’s me.
Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character.
– T. Alan Armstrong