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Since I’ve been gone…

11 Oct

Heya.

Since I’ve been gone…

I grew a mustache.

Since I’ve been gone…

I shaved it.

Since I’ve been gone…

I was called cute by one of my (male) coworkers after I shaved my mustache.

Holla.

Since I’ve been gone…

I ran, like, maybe sixish miles. I’m still in a hell of a running rut.

Since I’ve been gone…

I biked 52 miles.

Since I’ve been gone…

I have not been able to put down this book:

Seriously. It amazing.  I will definitely do a review on this. Thanks, Barbara Walters, for recommending this on The View.

Also, since I’ve been gone, I bought the ESPN Body Issue.

Look at those legs. Holy moly.

I think they could crush a walnut.

The ESPN Body Issue actually made me feel better about myself. I may have big thighs, but they are all muscle. I may be a size zero/one, but I’m strong. I’m buff. My dentist told me that. Nevermind my teeth. Who cares?

Gretchen Bleiler, Olympic snowboarder, proclaimed, “This is not about being sexy but about being strong and powerful and showing girls it’s OK to have muscles.”

Today, while working out, I actually liked my body for once. I’m not a stick. I’m not just a bone. I have gained muscle and weight, and guess what? I’m still a size one just like I was when I was 105 or 103.

I don’t weigh myself anymore. I’m not doing all this cardio like I was (thanks to my running rut). Guess what? I’m fine. I may not be 100% confident with myself, but I feel better about myself.

That’s a start.

“It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners.  Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants to quit.”
 –George Sheehan

Enough Already

24 Sep

I have read some rather ridiculous articles this week from so-called health magazines.

Number one.

“Researchers at the University of Utah discovered that using a large fork caused hungry diners to eat about ten percent less than those who scooped up generous helpings of spaghetti, salad, and other dishes using a smaller fork.” – Shape Magazine

Really now? That’s why I must be so hungry all the time. I eat with a small fork. Better buy myself a gigantic fork now so I eat less.

Hopefully this will do.

“People who stay up after 2 AM consume about 248 calories more a day.”Fitness Magazine

Well, they are up longer still burning calories so maybe those extra calories are needed.

“Repeatedly eating late at night can throw off your body clock, which may slow your metabolism.”Fitness Magazine

Your body doesn’t know what time of day it is. People who work night shifts probably eat more at night, but does that make them fat? No. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night – like at three AM – and were super hungry? I have. Was I like, “No, body, sorry. No food for you because it’s night and my metabolism will slow down if I eat something despite my body being hungry.” No. I actually got up and ate a Snickers bar with strawberry milk. Your body is hungry and it doesn’t know that it’s two AM.

Interview with Olivia Munn in Shape
“Do you use a scale?”
“Absolutely. I need to see hard numbers in order to stay on track.”

Who are you again? I don’t know you and you sound stupid.

“Kick up your dinner with a half teaspoon of group cayenne pepper… the spice helps raise your body temperature with boots our calorie burn.” - Fitness Magazine

Hear that, family? We are having Mexican every night because mommy needs to be a size two. Who does that?

I seriously cannot stand these ‘health’ magazines any longer. Put on lipstick before eating dinner so you eat slower thus feeling fuller faster thus not eating so much? So, you’re telling me to look like a hooker just to be thin?

Not too long ago, I would read these ‘health’ magazines and follow them verbatim. I would want to look like this…

Of course, I have my days where I seriously would do anything to have a football-sized field between my thighs or to have a flat stomach. It’s way difficult for me to admit that; especially on here where I may come across as someone who is pleased with their body, the muscles that I have gained, and the races I have competed.

 Before Warrior Dash

I don’t like my body. I will always see myself as a chubby kid.

Sometimes I feel as if I am recovered from my ED. I eat, right?

However, I still nitpick at every part of myself.

My mother sees it and she tells me all the time, “You look better. I honestly think this is the best you have ever looked.”

“You look like Kelly Ripa. You’re ripped. You aren’t like this… Ashley Greene chick that has bony little arms with nothing on them.”

It is true that I don’t find stick thin women beautiful anymore, but why do I continue to want to be them?

I find Hope Solo absolutely gorgeous. She seriously makes me want to join my gym’s soccer team. She’s my fitness idol currently.

Mirinda Carfrae  is amazing! Look at those legs.

She just competed a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and a marathon in less than 9 hours. Where do I sign up to be her?

I find these women incredible. They are not skinny. They are fit, buff, ripped, healthy, etc. Why do I feel like I should be any different? You can’t be fast by fasting. 

I suppose I have no purpose in saying any of this. No matter how many times I tell myself ‘food is fuel’, I still struggle.

It’s really difficult to admit all of this. I never want to come across as weak.

Enough.

“If you don’t have confidence, you’ll always find a way not to win.”
–Carl Lewis

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