I Feel Like a Failure

12 May

I’m going to make this short and to the point since I need to finish my Psychology paper.

I had to take a rest day. I started crying on my run. No, bawling. I NEVER cry. Never. The side of my knee was hurting. I tried to push through it, but I started running with a limp. I feel like I let myself down. I hate myself for it.

I know. Wah wah wah. Poor me. I can’t run so I didn’t go back to the gym and work out so I took a rest day. Wahhhh.

What I really want to say is, I’m too low in the weight category. My BMI is too low. I want to know, though, is there most likely a correlation between too low of weight, not eating enough, and injuries? 

I will put it out there: I don’t eat enough. It’s wrong for all that I do, but mentally I think I should still weigh *102 lbs.

I am also stating that I WILL NOT HURT MY BODY ANYMORE. I will eat. I will eat an adequate lunch and not just a yogurt and a bar. I feel like a failure when I can’t exercise though. To be blunt, I feel like total shit. I’m even hungrier than usual when I don’t workout.

I’ll be back to regular posting tomorrow, but for right now, I would love your advice and any health articles that scare me into eating correctly. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just want to be normal again. I want to love life and never focus on every second I am not working out or eating.


17 Responses to “I Feel Like a Failure”

  1. Tara May 12, 2011 at 6:30 PM #

    Aww girl, I’ve been there! It can be so scary because I feel like if I gain weight I’ll perform worse. Then I gained weight and I did better. I felt better physically, mentally, and my running improved because I had so much more energy. Plus I started building muscle and gained more muscle weight, so I was a lot stronger. You can do it!!

  2. Jess May 12, 2011 at 6:32 PM #

    From MY experience, there WAS a definite correlation between injuries and when I was underweight..I suffered HORRIBLE back pain + knee problems. But part of that was overexercising! I truly believe that there is a connection between fuel and how our bodies take care of ourselves!!

  3. Tara May 12, 2011 at 6:34 PM #

    Hi Christy! I have never commented before, but felt it was necessary after this post. Your story is very similar to mine-I was never really overweight, but through being more activity and really restrictive with my intake I lost too much weight too quickly. I still struggle with the concept of thinness and being healthy. Kudos to you for being honest with yourself and putting it out there that you need to eat more.
    Yes, nutrition plays a large role in helping your body heal and recover from physical activities. So, eating more food will provide your body with fuel to do what you want it to do. You need to show your body love! You are young and incredibly energetic (your blog and personality inspires me!!) and you need to provide your body with the energy it needs. I am sure that you would see progress with more food. I know it is scary, but in the long run, (no pun intended!) it will be best for your mind and body. Check out stumptuous.com and articles by Lou Shuler for more support/information. I hope this isn’t too much of a ramble! 🙂

  4. Allie May 12, 2011 at 6:35 PM #

    Aww girl I’m so sorry. I do know that being under weight can cause you to have osterperosis or make you lose bone density which correlates to stress fractures, which you do not want!

    I am truly sorry you are having a tough time but I know how strong you are, you can do it 🙂 if you ever want to talk you can email me or anything!

  5. indecisiveathlete May 12, 2011 at 6:44 PM #

    Its so tough I’ve been there before. I had injuries last summer at my lowest weight/not eating enough. Find someone you can talk to that can help you. Its a long journey back from having a low weight and not eating enough and hard to do it alone. Just remember you are strong and can do whatever you put your mind to.

  6. little racer May 12, 2011 at 6:50 PM #

    Hi girlie! I’m sorry for your injury. I know how tough they can be to get through. I also feel like crap when I can’t run either and I need to realize that there’s more to me than just that.

    As far as injury prevention and nutrition goes they definitely go hand in hand! It is so important to make sure that you are fueling yourself enough. If you are under eating your body will start pulling fuel from your muscles and break down all of the hard work you have been putting towards strength training. Because your muscles are being broken down, they will no longer be able to support your bones as well as they once did and that may lead to stress fractures, which take FOREVER to recover.

    It is extremely important to listen to your body. This is something that I am still working on. I too struggle with maintaining my weight with the amount of exercise, but I just remind myself that if it’s something that I want to do for life I have to respect my body and give into what it is asking instead of feeling like a failure from the mental perspective.

    Let me know if you have any other questions!

  7. Ma Ma Megan May 12, 2011 at 7:36 PM #

    Girl, I am so sorry. I know being unable to do something you love so much must be really hard.

    I am always hungrier on my rest days too. I think it has something to do with your muscles recovering – which takes in more energy, hence the hunger. But I’m no doctor that is just my guess.

    Proper nutrition and eating enough will help a lot! Listen to your body, trust it.

  8. logginnbloggin May 12, 2011 at 8:18 PM #

    I’m sorry about your run :/ but I’m even more sorry that you are feelin so crumbyy. Honestly I am very iffy with eating ish. I went thru a phase last year/ this fall where I wasnt eating enough and it totally hurt me in the long run, but now that I’ve gained weight back I’m in an even worst place mentally. I think the fact you’ve recognized ish is the first step, thats better than before yah?

    To get you to eat more? think of food like this- Eat to FUEL and eat to put GOOD THINGS in your body. Rather than “i have to eat so I’ll eat __”. Maybe try and find joy in cooking or focus on a certain type of eating habits- I know vegans get a bad rep but I think they really help a lot of people because it can make eating interesting/ exciting again, its mainly healthy, and if you follow a plan correctly you can get all the nutrients you need!

    Don’t feel like a failure, you are SO not a failure. Everything in life happens for a reason, this will only make you stronger in the long run

  9. Hollie @lolzthatswim(andrun) May 13, 2011 at 5:09 AM #

    Yes actually and I know that so many people have already briefly said it.

    When you don’t eat enough you don’t get enough calcium. Calcium is what keeps you from not being injured with your joints at such. Feel free to email me anytime girl. 🙂

    Don’t feel like a failure, you’ll get through it.

  10. sarah May 13, 2011 at 5:47 AM #

    Eek, sorry to hear you feel so low .
    I totally know how you feel- I’m always torn between wanting to fuel myself as best I can and the guilt of feeling I’m overeating.
    Running at too low a weight can cause osteoporosis, & as someone who has run at( very ) low weights, more often than not I’m unable to run due to injury. Having these problems so young does not bode well for running further along in life.
    Don’t feel bad AT ALL for taking rest days- your body can only become stronger during rest!

  11. Amy @ countrystrong21 May 13, 2011 at 8:18 AM #

    So sorry you’re feeling so down in the dumps right now. I can relate, I feel like a failure too currently but for other reasons. Blogging about how you’re feeling is definitely a great outlet, I mean look at all the support you’ve gotten already! You are a strong woman who can make the changes necessary to be successful in your running, or whatever you put your mind to. You can do it girl!

  12. Michelle May 13, 2011 at 4:49 PM #

    I don’t feel like I can offer any advice because I’ve never been in your situation, but I do hope you get it figured out–whatever “it” may be.

    I can’t imagine the pain physically and mentally you are going through.

  13. Anonymous May 13, 2011 at 7:42 PM #

    Dear Christy,
    I ran on a cross country team in college that was plagued with disordered eating and more serious problems. Insufficient nutrition will hurt your recovery, your muscle and your bones, but it can also seriously alter your body chemistry and the way your body processes and absorbs nutrients for years to come. You can run at a low weight for a little while, but eventually most runners “crash” and it is hard to recover physically and emotionally from that point.
    Please don’t just scare yourself into eating. Instead, please try to find someone local you can talk to about all this. Go outside, hang out with friends, talk to someone. Do things that make you happy. You are strong and beautiful and only YOU can truly take your health into your own hands. Good luck 🙂
    A reader

    • Anonymous May 14, 2011 at 6:04 AM #

      Ps. I’m female, I don’t know why that creepy picture of a man came up!!!

  14. StuckOutsideTheBox May 24, 2011 at 9:59 PM #

    When I was at my lowest weight during my anorexia, I was actually NOT severely underweight. I believe my BMI was around 18.8 so I was “healthy.” I had kept a lot of muscle somehow, I still don’t know why my weight didn’t drop drastically even when I was eating next to nothing (that would be helpful in a famine, eh?). But anyway, I had injuries from lack of nutrition! Not even just weight. I’d be lying if I said I was fully recovered now but I gained a lot of weight and I don’t really have any injuries anymore because for the most part I get my nutrients.

  15. Ellen @ UnderCover Runner Eats August 17, 2011 at 1:57 PM #

    Beware the female athlete triad!: disordered eating (not eating enough), amenorrhea (no period), and osteoporosis/osteopenia (weak bones = injury). You’re still in your formative years (body-growing-wise) and the choices you make now will have devastating consequences in both the near and the far future. If you’re getting injured a lot, you may want to get your bone density checked. It’s not too late to strengthen your bones, but wait until your mid-late 20s and then it may be.

    I recently have overcome by second “bout” of anorexia coupled with getting diagnosed with a gastrointestinal disorder and, after 4.5 months of LOTS of effort, I am finally within a healthy weight range for my height and age. I know what it’s like to have this set number in your head of what you perform (run) best at and not wanting to go past it, but I knew that I needed to for my health and since I really want to have kids someday (preferably in the next 5 years). I’m back to the weight I was 2-3 years ago when anorexia was the furthest thing from my mind and now I’m trying to get rid of many of the still lingering thoughts that just shouldn’t be there.

    WOW this was a long comment, but, yeah! Feel free to email, comment back, twitter, etc. if you want to talk ever! I’m a junior at University right now to become a Registered Dietitian and I actually want to specialize in Sports Nutrition!

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