Funky Town

12 Jul

Sorry for my absence again. I have been in somewhat of funk that I am slowly getting out of.

This week/weekend, I felt a little down in the dumps. I just wasn’t happy.

I was obviously lacking happiness. 

I felt like I had a negative bubble around me. I was stressed. It’s my first time with a real job. I was working every day last week from 2:30-9 and I didn’t get to go to bed until eleven. I came home starving every night and I was craving salt like cray cray.

I never caught up on sleep. Saturday and Sunday, I was up at 4:30 AM for work. Then, on Monday, I had over an eight-hour shift. I know I shouldn’t complain. People work. It’s life.

To add to that, after every single meal, I was not satisfied. I was full, but I just didn’t feel satisfied with what I just ate so I would wait then eat more and more. Of course that played with my head so what did I do? I got on that scale. Twice. The first time, the number was XXX and I was like, “Sweet. I can eat all that and not gain.” However, since I’m nutso, I got on again two days later after eating like 20 meatless meatballs and saw I gained two pounds. It was probably only water weight and I bet it is gone now, but I’m too nervous to check. I shouldn’t care! The whole gaining weight thing came to another halt, but I have been adding more snacks when I’m hungry instead of just gnawing down on fruit.

I notice I have not been that hungry lately either. I know I should eat, but I just don’t feel hungry. Then when I feel little hungry, I gulp down water and an apple. Wrong. I can have that, but I should eat some nuts with it or something. I just find it puzzling that I have not been hungry nor satisfied with anything I eat.

I have the strangest cravings too. I want salt. No crunchy. No. Crunchy and salty. Chocolate. Pretzels. Potato chips. Dates. Apples.

Why? I don’t know.

Due to that ridiculous fiasco, I was stressed and anxious. I didn’t restrict though. I ate the same. I ate dessert. I bought a bag of Pop Chips. I know I shouldn’t care. After reading some of The New Rules of Weight Lifting for Women, I know eating plenty (even more for me) is alright. 2,000+ calories a day is what I should be doing.

In addition, my mom is going out of town for a few days. I’m use to it and I don’t mind being alone except I just know there is a lot of responsibility that comes with it since we have seven dogs and six cats. No joke. The house has to be cleaned, everyone has to be fed, walked, etc. It’s work. I don’t see myself catching up on sleep yet. At least I don’t have work this week.

Also, apparently I am trying to sabotage my mom. She accused me of making her fat so I could look better. Uhhhh, what? First of all, what? And second of all, who does that? Why would I do that? It doesn’t make sense. When I would just bring home bread pudding for myself, I would get yelled at it for being selfish and only thinking of myself. Now when I bring her home something to eat, I get yelled at for giving my mom a muffin top. What?

I don’t even know.

Let me add to that. In high school, my two best friends were older than me so they graduated first hence why I was a huge loner senior year. Anyway, we still talk from time to time, but since they are back in town, we want to hang out. We haven’t seen each other since Christmas. Well, one friend randomly texts me and says, “Wanna go to a party on Friday? Then ____ and I will crash at your place. You can drive.” We haven’t talked in months and this is my first hello? They always took advantage of me because I was younger and I had a car. Neither one of them even have their driver license. I am just pissed. I want new friends. Actually, I just want some friends in general and not ones that text me out of the blue then put demands on me.

Heidi, let’s be friends.

I just want to be back to my peppy self.

I’m actually not that peppy in real life, or so my family says. I wish I were. I wish I didn’t obsess over everything and I could be an upbeat person 24/7. My personality doesn’t allow it I suppose.

I apologize for the overly rant filled post. I hope to get my spirits up soon. Besides, Harry Potter = Friday.

Week in review:

Monday: Race 13.1 miles
Tuesday: 8.57 miles
Wednesday:  8.44 miles
Thursday: 8.81 miles
Friday: RIPPED class + elliptical
Saturday: 7.76 miles (trail run/hills) + weights
Sunday: 12.57 miles (trail run w/friend)

Total mileage: 59.25 miles.

Woah. Too much of an increase since last week. In my defense, Saturday and Sunday are usually my days of cross training. I take a spin class on both days and lift, but due to work, that was not possible. I miss spinning! I miss my butt sweat.

My goal for this week is to simply add some more cross training and keep the mileage around 50-55. I need to do more trail runs too. My half marathon trail race is on July 30th. 

No honorable eats, but here is my honorable puppy:


18 Responses to “Funky Town”

  1. Melissa July 12, 2011 at 1:11 PM #

    I had friends like that in the past. I still do. I feel bad when I don’t conform to what they want. But I’m growing up and realizing that I’m not happy doing what they always want. I give up a lot of things that I want to do or change up my schedule to please everyone. One day I got tired of it. I think about the last time they ever did anything I wanted or anything nice to me at all. I give some chances and others I just dropped. But in the end, I’m happier than I ever was. Friends shouldn’t always be taking, they have to give sometime. Those that don’t, aren’t worth it and are just using you! Friends are suppose to make you happy and relieve you of stress. Smile. Everything will be okay in the end. (:

  2. ihearteggs July 12, 2011 at 1:22 PM #

    I absolutely love your honesty here.

    Glad you’re coming out of hte funk!

  3. trailroadcrosscountrytrackrunner July 12, 2011 at 1:39 PM #

    I totally understand what you mean by being ‘in a funk’- that’s one of the reasons why I hadn’t posted in a while either. I’m sorry about the situation with your mom…I hope things work out!

    I tend to get obsessive about things as well…a lot of people don’t understand why I can’t just relax about my calories (or simply stop counting them- which has NEVER worked for me), my weight, or my training/race times. I guess I’m just an intense person. But whatever. I don’t mind it and I’ve learned to live with it.

    Totally jealous of your weekly mileage! If the weather’s good here in Michigan this winter (haha, good joke right?) I plan to have my mileage right around there. Right now, I’m just missing running (on land) so much!

    Hope you cheer up!! 🙂

  4. Tara July 12, 2011 at 1:42 PM #

    Way to get it all out there. A good rant should help you feel better! I can relate to the hunger issues, stepping on the scale, freaking out… it’s a vicious cycle, so I’ve found the restraint to not weigh myself. Remember how awesome you did in that half and how awesome you will do in other races and your future in running. That’s what i think about, because if I don’t get my weight up my future in running will be… nonexistant. I hope you’re feeling better girl. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.. or running and spinning and lifting 🙂

  5. dana @ my little celebration July 12, 2011 at 2:06 PM #

    Hope you get back to feeling more like yourself soon! Feeling down in the dumps is no bueno. Cute puppy! What a doll.

  6. allieksmith July 12, 2011 at 3:19 PM #

    Aww I hate being in a funk! I think if you are not hungry but not satisfied and craving salty that is a sign of over training but i’m not 100% sure.. you could google it! I hate when friends act like that.. move to Pittsburgh and be my running buddy/friend 🙂

  7. Sweet Cheeks July 12, 2011 at 3:29 PM #

    I’m sorry you are going through this. Funks are no fun at all and I get them a lot, too. You definitely aren’t alone. But the good thing is that they come and then they go so just focus on the good ahead of you! and those girls don’t sound like friends at all. I would not give them the time of day. I’ll be your frieeeend. 🙂

  8. Amanda @ Running with Spoons July 12, 2011 at 3:34 PM #

    I’m sorry that you haven’t been feeling the best lately, hun, but honestly… it might be because you’re overtraining and undereating :\ You’re really, really active, and if you say that you’re not eating all that much, then it’s probably taking a toll on your body. I know that I start feeling a huge drop in my mood if I don’t keep my calories up… and then as soon as I start eating more, I’m back to my happy and peppy self. It might be something to consider – the misery that comes with hunger is just not worth it.

  9. AntosDoesLife July 12, 2011 at 3:51 PM #

    Oh my goodness. I had friends in high school who totally took advantage of me and I never realized it until looking back on it. I stopped talking to them all together, moved on to bigger and better things, and now when I see them I realize how big of losers they are and how I have accomplished more in my life than they ever will.

    I am sorry you are in a funk. I hate funks and I get them at least once month…that and nervous breakdowns. Things will get back to normal, just keep the faith. 🙂

  10. Alyss July 12, 2011 at 4:13 PM #

    your honesty here is commendable! I can tell you are having a rough time by the “tone” of this post, but hopefully you are getting out of your funk. It may not seem like it but from an outside standpoint reading about it it really seems as though you are over training and under eating by a lot. Craving salt, weird hunger, down thoughts, being obsessive about your weight and disordered thinking are all major sings, start nourishing yourself better and focus on your health or down the line you will have major issues, don’t you want to run when you are older or not be able to be active cuz you starved/pushed yourself now?

  11. runningperspective July 12, 2011 at 5:38 PM #

    girl i feel ya on the funk…first off i had such user friends and people that i straight up just didnt like cause i just got that vibe that they were the kind of people i didnt want to become. in high school i was such a loner and even my first year in college. its all about finding your way and people that have the same way as you will be drawn to you. it will take time but it happens.. i promise 🙂 i mean i am pretty much obsessed with you so come to philly and now we can actually be straight up real friends…k cool i like it
    and girl your a beast. and the fact that you are realizing the food restriction is a good thing. because admitting to it only leads to you getting better.
    and dude sorry about the mom thing…i totally understand my mom and i do not get along all that well either. she just doesnt understand why fitness is such a big deal to me…
    and yooooooo i love that you have all those animals! i have 3 dogs and 2 cats and its th ebest!!!!
    im sorry you are stressed i hate jobs they suck…but in the end always remember your happiness is the most important thing in life. do what works for you and makes you happy. everything else can wait!

  12. Megan July 12, 2011 at 6:18 PM #

    So happy you let it all out, seems like you have been going through a lot! and it’s good to rant sometimes.
    You need a day to just yourself it sounds like. Maybe try to make that happen??

    I asked my sister to hide the scale from me so I know that once I start looking for it, I need to snap out of it and remember that number will never satisfy me if I think about too much.

    The whole craving salty things happens to me when I run more. I’m pretty sure it’s just because you lose a lot of sodium when you exercise!

    Good luck girl, hope you have a better week ❤

  13. sarah July 12, 2011 at 6:20 PM #

    Aw, sorry you have been feeling so down- but you have SO many amaaazing things going for you, best to focus on the positives.
    Those girls aren’t worth your friendship or thinking space.
    Think iv mentioned your hair in most of my comments, but me want!

  14. Michelle July 12, 2011 at 6:21 PM #

    It is okay to be in a funk every once in a while. . . it happens.

    I love that your tongue is always used in your expressions.

  15. Hollie @ Lolzthatswim(andRun) July 12, 2011 at 6:49 PM #

    I have been in a funk lately too. I haven’t felt satisfied at all with any sort of meals. I wish I had but it just keeps causing me to eat more and more. Blerg which is why I don’t own a scale. True story.

  16. Rach @ This Italian Family July 12, 2011 at 7:33 PM #

    Aww, I hope you come out of your funk soon, girl! That’s a lot you are dealing with all at once. :/

  17. Jess July 13, 2011 at 4:28 PM #

    I have been in a bit of a FUNK, too!! I also get not feeling satisfied, even if not hungry. I’ve been trying to AMP up my meals/snacks to accommodate my new-ish weight liftin’ routine… and the fact that my hunger is on FIREEEE 😀

  18. sunshinevegan July 13, 2011 at 8:07 PM #

    I hare when I get in finks like that!
    Sort of seems like you’ve got a lot going on though so maybe you’re just stressed and overdoing it a bit? Sounds lIke you deserve some serious “me time”!
    Love your hair by the way 🙂

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