29 Jul

Holla amigos! 

I left you guys with a cliff hanger yesterday, didn’t I? I watch too many soap operas so I must say I am a pro.

Well, let’s begin with Tuesday. I had a bit of breakdown before work and I started yelling anything and everything. What came out was, “I don’t want to go to Portland State. I hate Portland. Blah blah blah. College… yada yada…” You get my point. I came home that night and my mom and I had a talk.

I have always been fascinated by military life. In high school, I seriously considered joining the army. However, I went to college preparatory school where the army seemed to look down upon. College was the focus and women need an education, not the army. I have a great amount of respect for anyone in the military though. I want to be respected like that. Many times people have told me how I am not good enough, not strong enough, and not fast enough. Due to that, I have zero self-confidence.

I am now seriously thinking of joining the Air Force. I want to show others that college isn’t everything. You don’t have to go to college to gain independence. The Air Force will offer me confidence, discipline, and the skills I need to succeed that I feel like college will not give me. After orientation at Portland State the other week, I felt like I was going to loathe it. I didn’t like the people nor did I like the classes that I had to take. I didn’t think I would fit in. With the Air Force, I just might fit in. I just might show others how tough I am. I’m not just a tiny woman who is shy and quiet.

I was thinking of the Marines too, but I like the lifestyle of the Air Force a lot more. I watched the videos online and the Air Force really appealed to me.  Besides, I get run in the Air Force. I can still run cross-country, which is majorly important to me. Whatever I do, wherever I go, I do want to run.

Of course I’m nervous. What if they don’t take me? What if I’m too small? What if I’m not strong enough? Can I still be a vegetarian? Silly questions, I know.

However, I am seriously considering the Air Force. As soon as I have a day off from work (HA, fat chance), I am going to speak to a recruiter.

All I know is that college is not appealing to me currently. Oregon itself is not appealing to me. It never was. I moved to Oregon about six years ago because my brother wanted to. Yes, my brother told me parents he wanted to move so we did.

With all of this, my mom is supporting mesomewhat. She understands how badly I want to run at a professional level. She also would be so proud of me for going into the military. She told me she would be more proud if I went into the military than college because everyone goes to college now. She is just nervous if they don’t take me, then what? Will I end up like my brother who works nonstop because he didn’t go to college? Nonetheless, my mom said she would allow me six months to re-think what I want to do with my life if I decide to not go to college.

Let’s just hope they take me because I think I would actually fit in.

I just have a lot to think about. 

I feel like I still need to talk it over with someone. Someone who too is considering the military or someone who has been in the Air Force. I have watched the videos on the Air Force’s website, but all the videos just have men in them. How can I relate?

In other news, tomorrow is the Wildwood Trail Run. It’s another half marathon. I am thinking of it as another normal run and not a race because I won’t get home until 9:30 tonight due to work then I bet I won’t go to bed until 11 since I’ll just be awake. Ahhh!

Better get my ass in gear now though. I’ll be back to regular posting soon. Until then, have a good weekend!

Wish me luck!

“Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to and makes his mind to do. We are capable of greater than we realize.”

Norman Vincent Peale


  • What are your views on the military?
  • Ever had to really re-think your life? 

17 Responses to “Rethinking”

  1. Sarah July 29, 2011 at 12:40 PM #

    I think that the military is a fantastic option if you are sure it’s for you! I am 100% sure you can do it girl! I am considering the Navy but straying away due to Ed issues, will probably just take a year off from college! Just consider all of your options and go with your gut 🙂

    Good luck on your race!!! Can’t wait for a recap

  2. Jessica Rose July 29, 2011 at 12:51 PM #

    I think the military is a great option after high school – not only will it significantly reduce your college loans (Not having college loans would make my life so much better right now), but you’ll also get just as much of an education as you would in college. You should consider a few of these options…

    1. Enroll in the Air Force ROTC at college. You can still run for your college this way. You might have to wait until next year, but ROTC is a great way to get a college education (free), and have a guaranteed job afterwards. You’ll also be around other ROTC students that you might fit in with better. Plus you come out as a commissioned officer – try beating that on a resume.

    2. Apply for the Air Force Academy. You can run at the college level on the Air Force team, and again – you get all the perks of ROTC, but you’d be enrolled in a school where everyone was military, not just some students.

    3. Give Portland a chance? I hated Penn State when I first got there, but you just have to find your niche / similar friends – I hated that everyone just partied and drank and raged every night… but then I joined the swim team and things fell into place. I’m sure the XC / track team will have people more like you.

    4. Join the Air Force. I have a friend who joined the Marines and she was tiny – she made it through just fine! If you don’t think college is for you, don’t force it. But if you do ROTC or Air Force Academy, you’ll end up in a higher position than just straight enlisting, so that’s something to consider.

    I wrote you a novel. haha Good luck with whatever you choose. Don’t feel pressured to go to college if you’re not ready. It will just end up being a waste of $20,000.

  3. Isabelle@cheesymiteapples July 29, 2011 at 1:30 PM #

    I have a great amount of respect for the men & women who are in the military.
    If you want it, go for it!
    “Don’t tell me that it is hard. Some people are achieving it. If they can, I can. Whether something is hard or not is irrelevant to me”

    I had to re-evaluate my life a year and half ago. I went to college straight out of High School and studied accounting on & off for 4 years before I realized that it wasn’t for me. I went on a life changing trip to Ghana and volunteered in an orphanage. So I changed college and course! For the last 1 1/2 years I’ve been studying Social Work. My parents supported my drastic decision…although extended family felt I wasted 4 years.

    What have I come to realize? You have to do what makes you happy & not be afraid of what others may think. People are always going to judge. But if we let what others think dictate what we do with our lives you will never be happy.

  4. allieksmith July 29, 2011 at 2:05 PM #

    I bet the military would be a great fit for you-you can be schedule oriented and you are very hard working 🙂

  5. Amanda @ Running with Spoons July 29, 2011 at 2:34 PM #

    I have a lot of respect for the men and women in the military, but it’s definitely not the kind of lifestyle that I could handle. It’s definitely a great option, though, and if college doesn’t appeal to you, then maybe the military will. Never hurts to get more information, or to try it out to see if it’s for you. Good luck on your race tomorrow.

  6. CrzyDJM July 29, 2011 at 3:22 PM #

    Do it! I served six years in the Navy and I’d do it all over again. Free travel and AND paid?

    There was good and bad but I’m still glad I served…

  7. Hollie @ Lolzthatswim(andRun) July 29, 2011 at 4:36 PM #

    Girl the airforce is seriously awesome and you would never regret it. You have to do what is right for you and if that isn’t college it’s not. You have the skills to go elite and I really think you can make it through that route.

  8. Alexandra July 29, 2011 at 5:24 PM #

    Go for it if you love it! I think that is extremely cool chica and I know you’d totally fit in since you’re a bamf running beast that could totally kick some terrorist butt 😉
    For the longest time I wanted to be in the air force to be a pilot, but my stomach is wayy too weak with motion sickness haha

  9. Ma Ma Megan July 30, 2011 at 12:24 AM #

    If you think this is right for you, then go for it. It could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you!

  10. Alexis - PumpedforPumpkin July 30, 2011 at 7:28 AM #

    I have tons of respect for people who go into the military and I think you could definitely do it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I think it’s a great idea to get more information and talk to people.

  11. runningperspective July 30, 2011 at 11:15 AM #

    i think thi is honestly an amazing idea. like honestly dude the fact that you are considering what is right for you despite what anyone else thinks or says shows that YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH to do just about anything that you want to! take time think it over and do your research. what feels right to you will eventually make itself known to you!
    good luck girll!!! your gonna rock whatever it is you decide because you are freaking you and i love youu!

  12. Claire July 30, 2011 at 3:34 PM #

    although I don’t know you personally, from reading you blog I honestly think you CAN do it! if you really want it bad enough, you can work for it and do it!! BUT you need to get over your ED first, how can you expect to put yourself through all that hard work when you are not taking care of yourself and have ED issues? Get help, get on with it, and go for it girl! your ed/ disordered food and body issues are only holding you back, break free

  13. moveovercelery July 30, 2011 at 4:32 PM #

    That is awesome. For real. If you really want it, then go for it! I’m so excited for whatever you decide! If you do decide to go that route, you’ll have the whole blogging community rootin’ for ya! 🙂

  14. VanessaG July 30, 2011 at 4:39 PM #

    I think you are def strong and nothing can stop ya! I think the Air Force or Navy would be honored to have someone so determined to give 100%. However, I think since you already enrolled in college, you should join the ROTC in college. I’m not sure you can do that running xc (u could @my college). That way you will get both experiences. You never know, you may end up lovin college. It’s 10billion times better than h.s. Especially since you are running for them. Being on a college team is an awesome experience and the best time of my life. Good luck with your decision. Try to talk to somone that can give you some insight. 🙂

  15. Tara July 30, 2011 at 5:51 PM #

    I already know you did awesome in that race because I saw your tweet! I can’t wait for your recap.

    anyway, I think you’re a great role model. You recognized that you would not be happy with the path you were headed down and you’re making an effort to change that. We’re in control of our lives, and you clearly have some lofty goals that you can definitely achieve. Not only that but it’s pretty admirable to join the marines or air force. I don’t know if I could handle it.

  16. hippierunner July 31, 2011 at 9:58 AM #

    That’s great that you’re so ‘you’ that you’re considering something other than norm, since you’re not comfortable with it. Whatever you decide, you should be proud of yourself for thinking for yourself and not just sitting there and letting things happen. You are awesome and it will all work out in the end! 🙂


  1. Gettin’ Wild « lifttorun - July 31, 2011

    […] you so much for all your supportive comments on my thoughts about college and the Air Force. All and all, I am really leaning towards the Air Force. As soon as I have a day off from work, I […]

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