Triggers

23 Aug

I come across many blogs that mention they have ‘triggers‘. I hope that I don’t have to explain what a ‘trigger‘ is, but in straightforward terms, it’s whatever (an image, person, food) that causes you to maybe restrict your eating or maybe binge, etc. 

I never been a person that has had ‘triggers‘. I view triggers as a weakness and something that would set me off to eat more or less. I wanted to be in control all the time. It would irritate me when I read blogs who said reading another blog could trigger them or seeing a model would make them not eat. It only bugged me because I thought that they were not strong enough and I thought I was.

Recently, I just began thinking about what triggers me to not want to eat a lot or to even fuel myself properly before a run. All my runs have been shitty. Really terrible runs. My body doesn’t want to go faster, but my mind is so into the run. Afterwards, I feel great that I wonder if it was me or my legs that were giving me a difficult time. Anyway, I thought, “Man, I need to be eating more. Why are more runs so poor? Why do my legs feel awful? I am always hungry before and during my runs anyway.” Also recently, I have been getting dreadful headaches after I eat. Is it because I’m not eating enough and when I do finally eat, my body reacts? I don’t know.

However, it just makes me think that maybe I have unconscious triggers despite my thinking that I am in complete control. I look in the mirror and think I look chubby with my tummy sticking out. My ribs are not showing. My hip bones barely show. The mirror is my trigger. My own image triggers me to eat like a bird.

I have always been my own worst enemy.

I should be happy with myself! I look happy.

And I am happy. My life is going in my direction.

I am going to be a Marine. I am going to show people that even though I am short (and possibly stout), I can be tough and beat the guys.

I am going to get ripped (as I eat a pear).

I need to eat properly and get muscular most importantly. The Marines does not expect weaklings. I need to be ripped.

Also, I have the Warrior Dash coming up as well as Race the Reaper.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Race the Reaper is the toughest obstacle race in Oregon with 18+ insane obstacles (5 miles worth).

No skinny ass white girl can do it so I need to stop looking in the mirror with such a negative attitude. Why do women hate the way they look all the time? The most beautiful women will look in the mirror just to pick out every fault. I do that. All. The. Time. Hence, I don’t get on the scale or look at myself in the mirror. So pathetic.

Triggers, no matter what they may be, are just plain stupid. They are. They are worthless and pointless. I want to be in control of my thoughts. I shouldn’t let an image or whatever stir me in the wrong direction.

———————————————————————————————-

In other news, I finished the first book of the Hunger Games.

Oh my god. Best book since Harry Potter.

All I have to say is go buy this book now. I would seriously give it a 10/10.

That’s all, folks.

Stay tuned for tomorrow because I will be doing my first WIAW. I want some critiquing of my diet.

“I think that everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and you put the work and time into it. I think your mind really controls everything. ” 

– Michael Phelps

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12 Responses to “Triggers”

  1. Alexandra August 23, 2011 at 6:29 PM #

    Yay for booing stupid triggers! They used to control my life and just beat me down, but no more! Love how you’re staying strong and confident 🙂 And I’m stoked for your first WIAW, you’re gonna be addicted! 😀

  2. Tara August 23, 2011 at 6:36 PM #

    I totally understand everything you wrote about being your own worst enemy and struggling with whether your patterns are helping or harming your performance. It’s hard to find a good balance, but if we want to be strong we have to try and find it and ignore the negative body image crap that our brain feeds us.

    hunger games = love. I read the second book in like 3 days. Go get it right this minute.

  3. Ma Ma Megan August 23, 2011 at 7:14 PM #

    “Triggers, no matter what they may be, are just plain stupid” uhhh-greed.

  4. Marissa August 23, 2011 at 7:24 PM #

    i love your blog. that is all. :).

  5. katshealthcorner August 23, 2011 at 7:51 PM #

    I haven’t read the Hunger Games yet — I’ve read her Underland Chronicles series, but have yet to pick up the Hunger Games.Though, I have to read great expectations before I’ll get the chance to read the Hunger Games. What is it about?

    • lifttorun August 23, 2011 at 8:29 PM #

      It is super difficult to explain, but it is almost like a post apocalypse book or like the book 1984 with the whole government is watching you type deal.

  6. Isabelle@cheesymiteapples August 23, 2011 at 9:24 PM #

    I love the quotes you put at the end of each posts!

    Hang in there. You are strong 🙂

  7. Hollie @ Lolzthatswim(andRun) August 24, 2011 at 4:20 AM #

    Everyone is reading the Hunger Games! I love love love it! Anywho-you are strong and if any person could get through the marines in the blogging world, it would be you and I fully believe that. You always inspire me with each and every run you do!

  8. Amanda @ Running with Spoons August 24, 2011 at 7:58 AM #

    I love that quote you included at the end. It’s so true that our minds control everything, and it’s in learning to control our thoughts that can make all the difference in our lives. And The Hunger Games is a great trilogy. You’ve gotta pick up the second and third books. I’m thinking about rereading the whole thing myself.

  9. Alexis - PumpedforPumpkin August 24, 2011 at 8:17 AM #

    Ahh yes our minds really do control everything. I’m working on how to control it now.. it’s kind of weird telling yourself NO but I’m definitely getting used to it. You’re going to be SO awesome as a marine!!!!
    I’ve also heard about the hunger games series I can’t wait to read them once school is finished 😀

  10. Allie August 26, 2011 at 8:08 AM #

    I am reading The Hunger Games as well! LOVE it!

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