Outrunning Yourself

1 Oct

Let’s not even talk about Race the Reaper.

Well, okay. I suppose I could mention it and how disappointed I am in myself. I finished in, like, an hour. I was the second woman, fifth in my heap (I believe). I lost to the other woman by very little distance.

I just couldn’t climb this rope in the very, very end of the race. I could not do it. I was way ahead of the other woman and she caught up with me because I just couldn’t climb the rope. All you had to do was climb the rope and touch the top. No. I got frustrated. I started swearing up a storm. (I’m Italian and Irish. Not a good a mix.) Everyone that was watching was trying to offer me pointers and my mom was yelling at me. I just feel like a huge failure. I am not looking for a pity party.

I did it eventually, but I felt like shit since the woman beat me.

I’m just super pissed at myself. I feel like a let down to myself, which I am. I don’t feel strong, fast, or even capable of making the Marines.

I don’t know. It’s whatever at this point.

The course itself was rather tiring. It was more about strength and pulling yourself over walls after climbing giant hills (perhaps I should call them mountains).  My arms are sore and I don’t want to eat.

It was fun though, until the end where I gave up basically.

I have come to the conclusion of this:

  • Work on upper body strength more. Not just with lifting weights, but doing pulls up, push ups, etc.
  • Eat better. I eat really well as it is, but I think I am going to cut out a lot of sugars, desserts, ice cream, and cookies.
  • Maybe eat more? Maybe I could have done really well in the race and had more energy throughout if I ate more. As it is, I really don’t know how much to eat. I just eat to eat or when I’m hungry.

I am going to switch up my workout routine to something like this…

Day 1: Back/Biceps

  • Deadlift: 5 sets of 5 reps
  • Pullups: 3 sets of 12 reps
  • Cable Row: 2 sets of 12 reps, 1 drop set of 12 reps, 65% previous weight
  • Lat Pulldown: 2 sets of 12 reps, 1 drop set of 12 reps, 65% previous weight
  • Dumbbell Row: 2 sets of 12 reps, 1 drop set of 12 reps, 65% previous weight
  • Preacher Curl: 3 sets of 15 reps
  • Hammer Curl: 2 sets of 15 reps, 1 drop set of 15 reps, 65% previous weight

Day 2: Chest/Triceps

Day 3: Legs/Abs


Day 4: Arms

Day 5: Shoulders/Abs

I suppose we all have ‘badraces where we feel like we didn’t perform our best.  I know the day of XC Regional ‘s, I thought I raced terribly. I felt awful about it too. I wouldn’t eat and I wouldn’t talk. That’s how I felt today. I’m such a competitive person that I get sick when I feel like I could have done better.

The  thing is, I feel this way often. I feel like I can always push myself just one more mile, minute, second. 

“The important thing is the attitude of the athlete, the desire to get to the top.”-Herb Elliott

I know I have a shitty attitude. I can be a bitch. It’s just that I want to win. I simply want to impress and feel good about myself. 

Today wasn’t about myself running the fastest, although that was a factor. It was about having strength. Clearly, I lack upper body strength. Today was also about confidence. I have zero. It’s difficult to perform well when you don’t like yourself.

Today was not a bad race. I was just not strong enough mentally and that was the most difficult part. The only thing that entered my mind today was failure, which led me to it.


6 Responses to “Outrunning Yourself”

  1. Tara October 1, 2011 at 7:37 PM #

    I love the last picture. I love your attitude too – it’s so awesome that you are so determined to become the strongest you can be. We all have our off races though and you know deep down that you’re better than that woman. Today I was so close to coming in second or third place in my race. Literally a dead sprint. I tied with a girl for third, but I got the fourth place medal. We were within 2 seconds. I know deep down, I’m better than that. I’m not gonna beat myself up about it, but it sucks, so I can totally relate to how you feel. Being a runner, we sign up for good and bad days, good and bad races. We just remember the best and worst ones.

  2. Alexandra October 2, 2011 at 3:49 AM #

    Bummer 😦 I gotta say though, I agree with Tara, your attitude about it rocks! You see a problem and you tackle it head on with a wicked gameplan. We all have our good days and bad days–it’s just how do we decide to react to those bad days that matters 🙂

  3. Hollie @ Lolzthatswim(andRun) October 2, 2011 at 7:50 AM #

    So my brother is going into the military too and on his academies cross country team. The boy had no core strength, no upper body strength no anything. Worked his ass off over the summer. He literally went from doing like 2 pushups to 70 now. His running dramatically improved with it too. I never knew how much strength training/core work helped your running and general fitness (or maybe I just detested it) until seeing him.

  4. sarah October 2, 2011 at 12:08 PM #

    Wow, i must say you set reeeally high stabdards for yourself! So many people couldn’t and wouldn’t even bother to try a race this- you show so much courage and determination , its enviable .

  5. Sarah October 2, 2011 at 2:47 PM #

    I’m just going to say that I am very proud of you. Proud of you for doing the race and also for being able to open up on your blog about why you weren’t happy with it. Honesty is tough sometimes. YOU DID A GREAT JOB, even if it doesn’t seem that way.

    Lifting has helped me so much and your program looks very good! Yes eating more is good too, I find that I am put food away when lifting no problem and my body uses it right up, plus my lifts are better. WIN. I hear you on not knowing how to add calories though, my suggestion would be monitering them on myfitnesspal or a sit like that, just iffy because it can bcome very OCD if you allow it. Do whats best for you 🙂

  6. resiliencesc October 2, 2011 at 6:42 PM #

    Congrats on the race!!!! On the rope climb though, its 90% skill over strength although it helps.

    I do have a few suggestions workout-wise to maximize your strength gains if you want them. :). From a Marine vet to a hopeful new Marine recruit, you’ve got the chops to hack it…you just need to believe in yourself.

    Oh, and i highly recommend ditching the sugars and such and pigging out on meats, veggies, and healthy fats if you want to get strong before recruit training.

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