I’ll Stick Around

7 Apr

Hello, hello!

I know it’s been like another two months since I last talked to you guys. Let me fill you in…

So, I left for MCT (Marine Combat Training aka a Miserable Camping Trip) February 14th in North Carolina and graduated March 3rd. From there I went to Fort Lee, Virginia, which is where I am currently for my specific job. I am going to school for food services. I started my schooling about two weeks ago and I am cooking and baking so far. I am also class leader of my very small class of ten people.

All I know is that the last few weeks I have learned a lot about myself in the sense of what I want to do with the rest of my life and it obviously does not involve the Marine Corps. The military life is not for me at all and I know that now. Being here in Virginia depresses me. It’s not that I am home sick, but I hate not having freedom. You can’t even compare college to my life style right now. I can’t go for a run outside without a buddy and you think anyone wants to run with me? I am called crazy here because I love to work out. No other female works out like me and it shows. I am the fastest runner here.

Lately, I have been getting my male friends to run with me for an hour or so, which is great. Running relieves my stress, but I know I’m still not completely happy. I don’t like my body. I gained about ten pounds at MCT because all we ate were MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat). We didn’t work out at MCT. I barely ate, but the MRE’s are just processed crap. Anyway, I get to VA and I weigh myself. Yeah, if you didn’t know already, I stopped weighing myself a long time ago due to my eating disorder struggles. Now I find myself buying a scale, counting my calories, stressing about working out, and weighing myself. Granted I lost two pounds, but I am still not happy. I keep thinking, “I want to be skinny. I want to be 110.”

Like I said, I’m not home sick, but I would rather be home.

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I would rather be in college. I want my freedom. I’ll have it fully once I am out of the Marine Corps in three and a half years.

I graduate from food services May 23rd and from there, it looks like I might be going to Bridgeport, California. Apparently, that is the middle of nowhere.

I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer. However, I know myself and I know I’m not content. I do love cooking and baking. This week I have made cookies, raisin nut bars, muffins, and biscuits. I love it. I picked food services so after the Marines, I can have a few open doors with cooking or at a least nutrition. With all this extra cooking means extra food I have to sample. You guys all know my past to some degree. Eating more? Oh no. Christy does not do that. “I’m going to get fat. I’m going to gain weight. I need to run. I need to find a buddy to run with to check out.” My eating disorder is sitting in the back of my mind telling me to not eat, to only eat vegetables, and so forth. I find myself looking up diets and ways to change my eating. It’s ridiculous. If I was at home, in college, working a job, I would not have this problem.

Boo hoo to me, right? I don’t want to sound so whiny.

On the bright side, I have my laptop now and I can now read your blogs again. I can read the news too. You know how much I miss watching the news in the morning and reading the newspaper? Oh my gosh. I’m a nerd. I even downloaded some NPR. Nerd alert. Hello.

Well, I hope all of you are doing well. I’ll have another update tomorrow on running, food, and whatever else you guys want to know. Ask me questions! Tell me what you want to know about MCT or my MOS school.

Catch me up on life in general. I miss the real world. 

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“You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.” 
– Steve Prefontaine

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12 Responses to “I’ll Stick Around”

  1. IHeartVegetables April 7, 2012 at 5:21 PM #

    Hang in there, girl (and don’t worry about being a debbie downer, sometimes you need to vent!) I’m sure it’s hard to keep a sunny perspective when you’re working so hard, and you don’t have the same support system you normally would. But things will get better!

  2. thisfitchick April 7, 2012 at 5:37 PM #

    oh my gosh so sorry to hear all of this… all i can say is that you have my support and hang in there! maybe just maybe it will get better/you will get better accustomed to the new lifestyle, but if not, you can leave in 3 years and move on!

  3. Alexandra April 7, 2012 at 5:56 PM #

    Oh man I’m sorry to hear this. I gotta say, you’re the definition of a trooper my friend. Stay strong, I’m sending hugs and tons of support your way! 🙂

  4. Tara April 7, 2012 at 6:07 PM #

    I’m so excited your back!! I’m sorry things haven’t been going well. I’m hoping things improve for you and you get to bring back the running and real meals soon!

  5. allieksmith April 8, 2012 at 5:41 AM #

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. My mom and dad were in the Navy and my mom said that the time between boot camp and specialized training was the toughest. She said when she graduated and was just on a base, she loved it a lot more because it was just like a regular job and she had a lot more freedom. 🙂

  6. hippierunner April 8, 2012 at 7:54 AM #

    It’s really nice to hear from you! I’m sorry you’re not happy there but congrats and good job for sticking it out! Remember to just be good to yourself, you are amazing and have accomplished AMAZING things.

    Bridgeport, CA is not a bad place to be. It is in the middle of nowhere but it’s a nice kind of nowhere, at least. Every year for vacation we go to Mammoth, California and Bridgeport is an adjacent town, very cutesy. Try to enjoy it! (I know that’s easier said than done but try to have a good attitude) Stay Strong Christy!

  7. HollieisFueledByLOLZ April 8, 2012 at 8:56 AM #

    I’m glad you are doing well and glad we are chatting too! I know it doesn’t feel great now but you will make it through and in a few years you’ll look back and it won’t be as bad! I can’t wait till you have lots more freedom and can run to your hearts content!

  8. runningtothefinish April 8, 2012 at 3:58 PM #

    Hang in there girl. I know how frustrating it can be to hear your eating disorder creeping in and trying to take control again, but keep fighting! I always remind myself of how much my running will suffer if I give into my eating disorder…and honestly, as tempting as being 100 pounds can be, I am not willing to give up my ability to run just to get there, because in reality, what will that get me? Nothing good, that’s for sure. Keep pushing forward, I know you can do it! Also, I think it’s really awesome that you were able to give something like checking out the marine corps a shot. That takes guts! Even if you weren’t thrown into a war, the stress and everything around that had to be a lot! I think it’s really good that you were able to realize that it just isn’t for you and that you’ve been able to make the right decisions for yourself. Keep fighting! ❤

  9. lucywass April 8, 2012 at 11:41 PM #

    I’m confused. Haven’t you said in quite a few posts that you disliked cooking? Or was that just because you didn’t have enough time to do it much? Anyway happy you’re back to blogging!

    • lifttorun April 9, 2012 at 1:49 PM #

      I never said I disliked cooking. I just never had the time for it and I was never much of a baker… only because I didn’t get to try it.

  10. resiliencesc April 9, 2012 at 5:02 PM #

    Killer,

    You may be headed to Bridgeport? That’s my old base!!! Ah, the beautiful Mountain Warfare Training Center. Give me a head’s up if you get the word you’re headed there, I can offer some advice that’ll make the transition a little easier…Bridgeport isn’t normally a great place for a first term Marine but you CAN make it better.

    resiliencesc (AT) gmail (dot) com

    Semper Fi,

    – J

  11. Lisa April 10, 2012 at 9:11 AM #

    Hey, I’ve been a stalker for awhile…. anyway, let me tell you, it will get better. Once you’re out of school and settled at your base, you’ll have freedom again. I was active Air Force for 6 years, right after high school. I felt the same way. You’ll make friends (family!) really fast and I’m guessing your base will be better. Our active duty bases had really nice housing, gym facilities, etc. Leagues like softball, volleyball, all that. It’s like it’s own community. It’s tough being away from friends and family, all you’ve known your entire life, but you’ll grow up, make new friends and good memories. Hang in there, trust me when I say it gets better! Keep runnin!

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