One of Those

29 Jul

Ever have those days where you are just nonstop hungry? You eat something and you want something else in the next twenty minutes?

That’s me all day today. It’s annoying.

It could be the fact that I haven’t ran in a few weeks, but I knocked out 10.50 miles yesterday and 8.25 miles today (with time on the elliptical). My body is like, “What the hell?! I thought you were done with this?”

I woke up and just laid around. I made myself a smoothie (Muscle Milk + banana + spinach) and went to the gym, where I ate raisins. Once again, hungry for no reason at all. 

I came back and made lunch. I ate some Kashi waffles, PB2, jelly, and Greek yogurt with Gerber baby apple sauce. 

It could be the fact that I haven’t left my room at all today besides to talk on the phone outside and to go to the gym. I have been doing tests all day and classes. It’s a Marine thing. Gotta do it. It took me three and half hours to do  three tests. I watched Parks and Recreations while doing so though so that explains a lot. And I couldn’t stop eating. I’m a pig. 

It could also be the fact that I went to bed at midnight because I could not sleep. Then, I woke up at six something in the morning. I was like what the hell? Could be that two week old Greek yogurt. I don’t know.

Last night was a rough night too. It was just one of those nights where I sat on my bed and questioned myself.

Am I good enough?
Am I attractive?
Am I fit?
Am I skinny enough?

Total self pity. I know. I’m like a teenager girl.

I don’t know why I had those thoughts. Maybe it’s because the dude I really like never texted me back and I had another guy drunk text me at night, telling me how much he likes me. Still, I have those thoughts a lot.

I never think I’m good enough. I never look in the mirror to like what I see.

I’m not tan enough.
My thighs are too big.
I’m really not skinny.
Why can’t I get a boyfriend? How come I never had one?
I’m too shy.
And I’m weird. So weird.

It’s a never ending cycle that goes on in my head.

And it repeats itself on days like today when I am so hungry. I don’t want to eat. I drink another bottle of water and pop some gum in my mouth. I eat some popcorn then kale chips then raisins then peanuts. I’m full, but then I’m hungry again in an hour.

Perhaps I spend too much time by myself and not with friends. I find myself declining invites because I don’t want to go out. I don’t understand why I’m like that. It’s like when I was in middle school, I declined going out. I was severly depressed back then too. TMI?

One of those nights I suppose. One of those days too.

Enough with the negativity thoughts. Let me move on…

Thanks for all the comments and likes on my vlog! I hope that you guys find me funnier than strange, but hey, that’s life.

And I got some past eats from the week/weekend I would like to share with your permission.


Be happy. It’s the weekend. 


One Response to “One of Those”

  1. Goober Nut's Life July 29, 2012 at 11:13 AM #

    I just watched your blog, and you’re actually extremely bubbly!
    I’d love to know you in real life. 🙂
    I personally don’t have much advice for going out and being social.. I try, but as you know, it’s something I’m kind of uncomfortable with.. If you ever want to go anywhere with friends and have to choose between that and working out, though, please go with your friends.. I kind of missed out on outings with friends that I DID want to go out with, just for the sake of a workout, and I regretted it later..

    P.S. Don’t put off your hunger too much. Listen to it and satisfy it when you get a craving for something. With the exercise you do, your body will tell you EXACTLY what you need and when you need it. The more you put it off, the worse the craving gets and the more you won’t be able to control it later on. If you eat whatever you’re craving (even if it’s fat or carbs) when your body wants it, you’ll probably be able to stop when you feel full and not overdo it or anything..

    But I’m just speaking from MY experience, and it’s helped me. I’ve experimented a bit and I kind of know what it means to intuitively eat now. Eat when you’re hungry, and less when you’re not, you know? 🙂

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