I know! I haven’t been on here in such a long time and I want to get everything back together how it was on this blog because I do miss all of you!
I guess I will fill you in on my life….
I’m doing a lot better emotionally. The things that have happened in my past while being here in Japan have shaped my life in ways I could never imagine. I reported my sexual assaults (last time we talked and I never told anyone) and began talking about my situations more to learn to accept it is what happened to me. It is not my fault! It took me a very long time to realize that and during the process, I really beat myself up over it. I would use
alcohol as a coping device or a pair of scissors. It is not easy. I constantly had people telling me to get over it like it was so simple to erase it from my mind. It killed me on the inside. I did not socialize with anyone for the longest time. I gave up on everyone around me; including myself. Although it is not easy to say this, but I did attempt suicide. However, I am doing a lot better now and trying my best to focus on myself. What scares me the most is that I won’t get back to my old ways. By my ‘old ways’ I mean the fact that I was extremely healthy physically as well as emotionally. I don’t know how to start over or even where to begin.
The only thing I do know is that I want to better than what I was before and to push myself to my happiness because I deserve 100% happiness. Only I can change how I am feeling… no one else.
Which brings me to two questions: How do I start over? Where do I begin?
The reason why I coming back to this blog is to start over. I want to have my progress in front of me as I physically get fit again for my own mental state. What always made me happy was how I dedicated myself to my body and mind. I didn’t let anyone else stand in between it. I want to be that person again. This blog will keep me on the right track because I know I have all of you to support and encourage me. That’s all I ask for really.
That really is my main explanation in coming back. I just want your support!
I missed you all! I really did. I’m glad to be back and in full gear.