28 Apr

yourzdealer.tumblr.com

Advertisements
Aside

Where to begin?

19 Apr

Okay. Where do I even start? So much has happened since I last talked to you guys. A lot.

Let’s see…

I’m trying so much to get back on the bandwagon guys. To be fit, lean, healthy, and a total BAMF!

554644_628803053813592_488825528_n

I haven’t ran in a while. Since last Friday and that was tough.

In general, I haven’t ran continuously since December. I’m sorry!

I barely work out anymore. No motivation to whatsoever. Tonight I started crying though because I was looking at old photos of myself and how skinny I was. I want that back.

I have been seeing a counselor because that whole eating disorder is always in the back of mind and it affects everything. I get so stressed out at work, I don’t eat, I worry too much, I get really overwhelmed, I don’t eat again, and it’s never ending. It’s good in a sense because I was eating really badly and I do need to be thin again.

I started eating meat again and I hate myself for it. I just ate badly in general. I would never eat hot Cheetos yet I was buying them all the time? What the hell is wrong with me? I hate myself for smoking cigarettes! Onion rings, fries, burgers, chicken nuggets, pizza, meat lovers, extra cheese, Ramen, cookies. I would do like a continuous binge and then beat myself up over it.

I think I just finally gave into my really old ways. Yeah, I would workout, but now I stopped. Mostly because I am way too tired because I don’t sleep, eat that much, and I’m just stressed. I get home from a long day at work and just want to sleep. I sleep all day on Sunday sometimes. (I did lose five pounds.)

The counselor said I was depressed, which does explain why I have no motivation for anything and no self esteem.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m okay and I have a huge social life.

photo

I would rather be alone. Like I use to be. By myself, running whenever, going to sleep whenever, and just doing what I want.

Balance is the key word here. It really is. But back home I barely had any friends and I was great! Skinny, ran all the time, did what I wanted, and had a good time being with my own company. There is nothing wrong with it.

photo (1)

Truthfully, I want to be my own person again. If that means being the tattoo loving, coffee lover, crazy runner girl, dresses in all black, hipster person, then so be it! I want that back!

I can still be the nicest girl in these barracks as well as the weirdest (I got like three people in one day to say I’m weird)

I can still drink on a Saturday night.

Nonetheless, my main point is I’m going back to my old ways. No more skipping workouts and sleeping in. Time to put myself first, be happy for who I really am, and not get involved with so many friends who does do shit.

Trust me, I will have more posts about what’s going on with myself and the absurd funk that I am.

What do you want to know from me? What do you want me to tell you about what’s going on? Just ask. I totally want to answer.

 

 

 

 

 

I’M SO HAPPY TO BE BACK, GUYS. I REALLY AM. PLEASE ACCEPT MY WEIRDNESS ONCE MORE.

I Want to Come Back

27 Mar

Hello all of you! I miss you all so much. I miss blogging a lot and I am genuinely thinking of coming back.

I have had so much stuff happen in my life lately and I’m slipping. Slipping a lot. If I come back, I’m doing it for the reason of letting everything in my head go and just blogging about what is going on. Whadya say?

BRB

6 Oct

Sorry I never came back. I’m taking a huge blogging break due to being busy, not having any motivation to write, and a lot of things have been happening. If you still want to keep in contact, e-mail me and we can text.

Take care. Be back soon!

Uh No

25 Aug

Just letting you all know my Internet is down and has been for a week. I apologize for not being here. I have so much to say too.

Take care all.

Fried Foods and LOL Friday

17 Aug

Hello, hello!

I’m so happy it’s Friday. It wasn’t an awful week or anything like that. It was just okay.

The main highlight of my week is meeting my goal of not eating fried food for 21 days straight. I’m still going strong.

However, my mom and I had a little debate about fried foods. I said they really aren’t that terrible for you. My mom said, “Come on! That’s why America is fat.”

I can only agree to a certain extent.

So, we have French fries, fried chicken, fried fish, donuts, fried… pickles, and fried Oreo’s. I know, that escalated pretty darn quickly.

America does eat really, really unhealthy.  They go to fast food joints constantly, eating French fries and fried chicken. It’s grease covered and loaded with crunchy carby fats.

The thing is, I did eat fried onion rings. That was like the only fried food I ate. Then, I went ape bananas and starting eating French fries. There was a time when I didn’t touch a French fry for five plus years! I wouldn’t touch gosh darn donuts or anything that was fried. I avoided it like the plague.

That was before my eating disorder too. Nonetheless, after my eating disorder, I began to merge some of those products into my diet. I love onion rings. It is a fact.

The thing is, I began eating onion rings like everyday. That’s called unhealthy. That’s what normal Americans do and I didn’t want to be apart of that.

I have read several articles about fried foods and how they can be healthy if fried in the right kind of oil. For example, if you fry potatoes in sunflower oil or canola oil.

To me, either way you are frying something that is perfectly fine (aka a pickle) and making it worst. No matter what kind of oil you use, you are still frying away that nutrients of the cauliflower or  Twinkie – if you will.

Like anything else, I believe unhealthy foods such as sweets or fries should be enjoyed in moderation. I’m still going to not eat any fried foods.

My new challenge besides to reduce my intake of sugar/sweets, is to not eat past 8 PM. I already failed tonight because I was hanging with a bunch of dudes and they ordered me a pizza when I took a nap. How could I not eat pizza? It’s my favorite type of food.

Anyway, starting tomorrow I will do my best to not eat after 8 PM unless I am starving. For the most part I need to clean up my diet a little more. I fairly well honestly, but I just eat too many sweets.

I’ll give more reasons behind my not eating after 8 PM challenge in the next post.

Now, it’s LOL Friday…

Have a fabulous day!

Photo Overload of Awesomeness

15 Aug

Konnichiwa!

That’s like the only thing I know in Japanese and I have been living here for three months now. Crazy, huh? Time flies.

I feel like I haven’t updated in forever! Oh my gosh. I have been super busy with life and work. My day starts at 4:30 AM and usually, if I’m lucky, ends at 9 PM. Last night, however, I was at work until 9:20. I was so dead tired. Then, my internet has sucked lately.  Well, by internet I mean the internet I steal from whose ever room is closest to mine that has wifi.

Fortunately for you guys, I have one hell of an update. 

Let’s begin with Saturday…

I started my morning off with a 13.22 mile run on the treadmill. I’m just a real trooper probably because I had my new shirt on.

It’s from the show The Office in case you didn’t know.

After my working out, I ate some waffles then chilled on my bed before I got some iced coffee and a little peanut butter muffin off base at some cute cafe.

Their ice coffee was the bomb too. Japanese make the best coffee.

After my little snack, I went crazy again…

Yeah, I got another tattoo. Cost me $200 bucks. I’m so happy. I love it to death.

I know everyone is like, “What is the meaning behind your tattoo?” Honestly, can’t I just get one to get one?

Well, I got a feather.

I actually got a feather because, to me personally, it symbolizes independence. Like, I see a feather just floating as freedom and being free. Wow, Christy. I just repeated myself in two different ways. You’re welcome.

I also found this feather in some art work I was looking at and I just thought it was beautiful.

Please excuse my huge thighs. I hate them too. It’s fine.

In my opinion, I really love tattoos. You hear a lot of people say, “Women shouldn’t get tattoos and women should not be muscular.” Such B.S. I think tattoos are beautiful and look so much better on women with muscles.

Saturday night I hung out with my two best guy friends and just went around town off base. Hit up the beach, a bar or two, got  tacos, made some friends…

 

Yes, that is a lion on my shirt. My spirit animal is a lion.

And I’m a hippie. ‘Sup?

Sunday was another day for me to run ten miles or so and to chill out. I can’t remember what I did besides go to the grocery store to buy goodies for my foodie pen pal. First legit foodie pen pal and I’m so excited! Legit, my friends.

As for Monday and Tuesday, those days are just a blur. Work is work.  Exercise is good for my soul and keeps me sane.

By the way, that reminds me…

I MADE IT THROUGH MY NO FRIED FOOD CHALLENGE.

I can buy the shoes I want now. Holla.

Well, I hope the rest of you are having a good week. Tell me about it the comments below.